How do I talk to my teen about sex?
Whether you view it from a religious perspective or think of it as nothing more than a natural transition, sex is a huge step towards adulthood. Some teens stumble straight into sex while others approach it with caution. No matter which way teens view sex, inward reflection is sometimes necessary to figure out if they are ready to go all the way.
As teenagers, lots of their decisions can be impulsive. They may reach for that drink after a little peer pressure or dye their hair purple on whim alone. However, just a second of reflection could mean the difference between a first time wish-you-could-forget and a memorable and meaningful experience. Ask the following questions and use them as your guide:
- Where do you stand on sex? Suggest they differentiate their views from others. You do not have to view sex as something sacred only because your parents say it is, but also do not jump right into it because your friends see it as nothing. Take the time to develop your feelings on the intimacy.
- With whom you are doing it within this situation? Naturally, if you are engaging in sex as a teen, the person with whom you are doing it with most likely will not be yours forever. Realistically look at that person—would you want to look back and remember him/her as your first? Alternatively, do you believe sex is meant solely for your soulmate?
- Why do you want to do it? Did someone tell you it is time to lose your v-card or did anyone put you up to it? Do you feel it is time for you to have sex? Honestly, consider if this decision is solely yours.
- Think ahead. Imagine how your decision now will affect you in the future. Will you look back and regret not waiting, or will you see it as a rite of passage? Ultimately, envision if you will regret having sex at this time, once you go all the way, you cannot undo.
In the end, get across that before you make the decision to do it, think of how you may feel after you do. Teens have a natural tendency to jump into things headfirst, but sex most of the time is a calculated act. A conversation can mean all the difference. Get them to take more than a moment to figure out what they want the outcome to be. What you will never regret doing is taking the time to process your thoughts and emotions before acting on them.